If I had a nickel for every dirty look my dog gave me, I could buy a nicer dog.
(but I wouldn’t, cause I love that sassy pup)
That moment when you’re pretty sure your boss thinks you’re a sex maniac.
Since I am SO FREAKING BAD at updating Instant Lo, you all should check out my friend Chelsy’s blog! It’s comedy gold!
Sorry for the eight month absence! I’m back, and ready to post silly thoughts and crazy things my friends say!
I only ate two bananas today. I think I’m falling behind.
Update: I just ate a third. Everything’s good.
Dear god, the “meat sweats”are a real thing, and boy do I have a raging case.
I have had the weirdest, most intense craving for bananas this entire week. Like, I’d be totally happy eating an entire bunch…by myself…every single day.
Since I’m definitely not pregnant, I’ve come to the conclusion that I must be dying.
Please send bananas to my funeral in lieu of flowers.
Ah summer, also know as the season of, “Is that…is that me making that smell?”
Today I discovered the smell of unadulterated joy:
I spent nearly $100 on Game of Thrones books today — including a history of Westoros. I don’t feel even the slightest tinge of buyers remorse. #geeklife
A lady caught me staring at her today and probably thought that I was some kind of weirdo. In reality, I was just admiring her perfectly applied highlighter.
Pretty sure my obsession with lipstick started in 1989 when four year old Lo first saw this moment in cinematic history:
As I added an armful of tomatoes to the growing pile on the counter, it suddenly dawned on me that planting five tomato plants was a really bad idea.
Especially since I don’t like tomatoes that much.
Me: *talking about nothing*
Chelsy: I didn’t mean to tune you out, by I totally just did a little.
Did you ever notice that the words ‘heat’ and ‘hate’ are made up of the same letters?
This heat better kill me before I kill it.
That moment when you remember searching Google to find out how cauliflower works, but realize you totally forgot how to cut it.
All I really want from the 21st century is a self-cleaning house. Fuck flying cars, the infrastructure alone would be a god damned nightmare.
If I could ask my dogs one thing, I’d ask them why they are content to lick the couch for half an hour straight.
So fucking weird.
The combination of Xanax, depression, lack of sleep, not enough food, borderline dehydration, and nonstop work this weekend was enough to make me totally forget to post for the last three days.
There are some days where it doesn’t seem like there are enough double chocolate ice cream bars and American Dad episodes to calm my dark places.
Thank goodness for my friends and family.
And Alice Wunder, who always likes my posts.
Every time I try to be super serious and calm because I’m insanely angry and I need to get my point across in an articulate manner, I end up sobbing instead.
How the fuck does Clint Eastwood make it look so easy!?!