I Don’t Wanna Wait

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Rudolph

Mad Skills

*after the Internet went down at work while our boss was at lunch, he came back to find us gathered around the white board*

Boss: What are you guys doing?

Me: Playing hangman.

Boss: Shouldn’t you be doing something productive?

Taylor: This is productive.

Boss: This isn’t productive, this is a game.

Chelsy: Hey, we are learning some valuable language skills here.

Babies

I just get so existential around babies. — Taylor

Quarterback

“He doesn’t fit the great white, homoerotic idea of what a quarterback should look like.” — Tim

PSL

Ashley: Either way, we should have a PSL incentive day.

Sasha: Not everyone likes pumpkin flavored drinks.

Chelsy: Shhh, yes they do!

Tim: Not me, I don’t even like pumpkin beer.

Chelsy: YOU DON’T LIKE STRAWBERRIES

Tim: That’s fair.

Ron Weasley

“All the babes love Ron Weasley.” — Tim

Beard Problems

Tyler: Hey Daniel, have you ever considered growing a beard?

Daniel: I had one once, during a winter season. I didn’t like it. It got too itchy. I couldn’t lick plates.

Beard Crunch

“I definitely have cinnamon toast crunch in my beard comb.” — Sam

Slippery Slope

“It starts with cannabis oil and ends with a gay robot president.” — Sam

Work Party

“It’s called an ice cream social, not an ice cream ‘get back to work’!” — Rob

Concert Secrets

“So many people poop their pants at concerts. They think it’s a secret to the world, but I know.” — Tim

Assassin

“If I travel back in time to kill Hitler, I’m killing adult Hitler — none of that baby Hitler shit!” — Tim

Faux Snaux

“You could spell snow like faux with the ‘aux’. Oh wait, I think ski hipsters already do that. Damn, I hate when things already exist.” — Tim

Donuts

“There’s nothing sweeter than a stolen donut.” — Bret

Empirical

Kyle: Get out of our space!

Kim: SAY IT TO MY FACE, NAPOLEON!

Name

Kcody: My name is a mess. If you pronounced it phonetically, it would sound like kuh-coh-dee mih-kay-eel dahn-seh-ree-oo.

Mary: So basically, it would sound like a stroke.